therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
