We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize