Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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