i permit you to call me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
