Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
