Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
