bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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