Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
