So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
