R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
