Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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