He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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