I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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