all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
