I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
