I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
