Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
