WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
