Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
