I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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