I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
