hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
