Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
