Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
