We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
