So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
