Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
