Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
