And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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