Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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