Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
