Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
