I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
