all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
