Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
True but thats because hes a fetus.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
