i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
