Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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