Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
