im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
