obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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