mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I had to cum in my sink.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
