i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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