Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
