Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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