do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
being pregnant is like rehab
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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