Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
