Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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