hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
