She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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