Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
