another moral hangover. fuck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
