It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
