Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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