i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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