Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
