I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
