New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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