now i know why i became what i already was.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
