Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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