All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
