you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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