I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
