Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
