i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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