So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize