Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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