i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
